Do you find yourself in a relationship where you are repeatedly asking yourself this question? If so, then please keep reading. When faced with such a monumental predicament as whether or not to leave a marriage, ask yourself;
What’s keeping you from leaving vs. what’s keeping you in it?
How often do you think about the whether you should stay or go?
Does this relationship support me and am I loved the way I deserve to be loved?
Notice your your gut reaction. It may be based on an emotional response rather than considered thought.
Note that I said gut instinct (body) and not your thinking, rational mind. Why, because the intellect can easily justify and rationalize something that defies the physical experience. My personal experience is that the body never lies and it inherently knows what’s best. My late, great father used to always tell me; “Lilia, always remember that a healthy organism protects itself.” I would be lying to you if I said I didn’t think about this in the midst of my decision process.
The famous 80’s tune by The Clash made the top 500 greatest song’s of all time according to Rolling Stone for a reason. We've all been in this head space at least once in our lives, but not always as married people. Do you think that was because of the melody? Or is it because so many people resonate with the iconic lyrics? The song goes on to say “……If I go there will be trouble. And if I stay it will be double…”
Personally, I asked myself, "should I stay or should I go?" daily for almost a year. I contemplated our children, our new home we had just purchased and moved into. Not to mention the financial ramifications. Most importantly, it was terrifying to end something that was once beautiful, exciting and fulfilling. I kept thinking maybe things will change.
Another Band-Aid? We can work on it in counselling.
My favorite one was; “don’t all long term relationships go through dry spells and rough patches?”
Excuses aside….the body NEVER lies. When my appetite, digestion, mood and sleep became dramatically compromised, I knew it was time to make a change. I was going down fast and I was done. I’ve learned over the year’s that if nothing changes, NOTHING changes. In fact, I believe it was Albert Einstein who once said; “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”
As your Divorce Doula, I operate in full solution mode at all times for my clients. I come to the table with a robust tool box, ready to address each and every need or obstacle that might arise. It is never my role or position to tell people what to do, but rather share my experience and what worked for me and countless others. The decision is absolutely and ultimately up to you. My offering is that you trust your intuition, listen to your body and ask yourself those 3 pertinent questions. With that, I do believe with all my heart that you will arrive at the answer to the crucial question… Should I stay or should I go?